If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
