She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
