she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
