Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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