North Korea, Best Korea!
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
i think my cat just said my name.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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