I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
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