my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
