so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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