i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
