he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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