This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
