i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
