Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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