your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
