i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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