Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Sext me about skeletons
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize