How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
