I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
