dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
