Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize