Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize