dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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