Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
