uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
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