Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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