i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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