Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
