also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize