oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
