i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
