He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
