Please, let me fuck your mom
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
