Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
