So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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