idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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