I wish life had little blips of pornography
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
