Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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