her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
