Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
