im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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