I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
