Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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