Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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