That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize