i permit you to call me
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
