I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
