i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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