were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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