I think my fart just growled at me.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
