the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
