If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
someone threw a dead crab at me
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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