Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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