no, he came in my armpit
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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