he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize