DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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