i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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