Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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