i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
