I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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