I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
