she smelled like a LAN party
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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