Michael Bay diarrhea
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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