so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Randomize
