the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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