Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
