last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
