Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
