She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
