is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
