what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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