So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
